How 'bout this ladies: I'm super ugly, fat, extremely unintelligent, and could quite possibly be the worst kisser on the face of the planet. Not only do I have all these things going for me, but I loathe the idea of gentlemanly chivalry. My idea of a first date is a girl picking ME up, and of course she will be paying. I will not open doors, but will be more likely to slam them in your face. What, do I look like I'm made of money? Absolutely not, in fact I intend on being poor, and fully expect my girl to bring home the bacon.
I hope that I live in a trailer with holes in both my floor and roof. I fully expect my woman to do everything while I sit, undisturbed, annihilating people on Call of Duty all day via my xbox. Not only do I expect this, but she will love it. She will love it like a fat kid loves cake. I am extremely sexist, racist, and I smell terrible. I love leaving dirty laundry, food, and dishes all over the house, and anything I can randomly find and throw on the floor I certainly will. I love making messes -- it's my favorite thing ever. Also, if I can manage to leave the door open while I go #2, I will. Toilet seats will always be left down, and I don't even know how to make a bed.
I know what you're thinking: WOW, this guy is amazing. I know, I'm kind of a big deal. Let's just say I'm a catch and a half. Also, I'm nothing like anything I said in this greeting. Completely the opposite actually. Introductions are more or less pointless, as getting to know someone in person COMPLETELY supersedes anything you might read about them. Hope you were highly entertained by this. Looking forward to hearing from you!