Everyone loves these right?

Well, I like to think I can be all things to all people. They say it can't be done but I am going to try. So find yourself in this list and be impressed:

If you have low self-esteem and feel your life is a failure: I can validate you. I work as a night shift worker at a fast-food joint and have for the last ten years. Within the next few years I expect a promotion to assistant night manager which should come with a 50 cent an hour raise. I live with my mother and do not thing I will ever leave. In my spare time I level characters in MMOs and talk trash on the internet. I do not believe in hygiene

If you are looking for raw animal magnetism: Got you here too. In fact a cologne company was trying to get me to sell them my scent. It drives girls wild. Well, it wasn't so much a cologne company as a pesticide company....and it wasn't so much driving girls wild as driving female insects to insane homocidal rages. And I decided not to sell when they said they would need to harvest several internal organs. Like I said....magnetism

Looking for an Intellectual: I have four bookshelves in my house packed with books and read at least an hour a day. I am the kind of person who reads Shakespeare for fun. I compare lots of people to a summer's day. Admittedly I do not see a lot of similarities. Most of the girls I have dated do not cause heat stroke in the elderly...well except for that one.....

Looking for Ambition: Sure, some guys might go for suits and corporate power but that is child's play. I am shooting more for world domination. Once my death ray is finally completed I will unleash it on the world and then.....well, can't tell the rest. Classified.

Looking for the sweet sensitive type: Well, I cry easily. Onions, for example, always make me cry. That and heartrending emotional trauma.

Looking for the awesome Adonis: Got you covered there too. I climb Everest on a slow day and can currently bench 200....well, ounces. No wait tons, I meant tons.

Looking for the spiritual stalwart: Yeah, can do that too. Well, I was set to be translated but asked them to hold off until I could convert the rest of the world.

Whew......this being everything to everyone thing is heard. It also involves lying which last I checked is still a sin. So I will level with you so I do not go to hell:

The loser mentality was all a lie. I do not play MMOs and work for a company from overseas that designs safety equipment for law enforcement. The magnetism thing was a slight exaggeration. The intellectual part was actually true except that right now I am reading Plato for fun not Shakespeare. The ambition thing....yeah, not into world domination. The gospel promises me so much more in any case that why worry about one lousy planet? As for the sensitive thing I can usually avoid tearing up around onions. I have never climbed Everest though I have climbed climbing walls and work out every night. And no one has ever offered me translation.

So, as you can probably tell I tend to take a humorous approach to life. I could probably still be classified as a geek. I am for the most part happy in my life. I have good friends, a fantastic family, a fulfilling job, and am laying in a hammock drinking IBC Cream Soda right now as I type the greatest profile of all time....or at least the last hour. Can't get much better then that.

Spiritually, I am in a good place. God and I chat a couple of times a day. He gently corrects me regularly and ungently corrects me irregularly. I am what some people would call an amateur gospel scholar. I have a thirst for knowledge that drives me to want to understand everything. One of my goals in life is to get one of those apocalyptic angelic tours people get of all of history. The kind Isaiah, Nephi, Abraham, Enoch, and John got. Most of my callings have been teaching classes lately which I love. Sadly in a new ward with no calling so we shall see what happens when I do.

For fun I am a fan of books, working out, good food, the water, making a computer dance to my every whim, and a fine IBC Cream Soda.

Oh, and I hate long walks on the beach. I mean seriously, there is a titanic body of water right there and you want to walk on the sandy part instead of jumping in? What are you thinking?

So, if you are intrigued or your interest is piqued or you want to say hi or you are disgusted with me and want to tell me how horrible I am or try to stump me with a hard question or need advice on arachnoarachnology feel free to chat. If you do not fit into any of the above feel free to chat anyways.