Step right up, I've got something you gals will want to hear!! Are you tired of empty in-boxes? Sick of silent cell phones? Have you wondered what went wrong with your last date, and why the guy didn't ask you again? I HAVE THE SOLUTION!!
"Could it really be true?!" I can hear you asking that now, and yes it can! That's right, you're eyes aren't deceiving you, I really did just say I can help you stop going stag and start holding hands! And best of all, the process is so simple, almost anybody can do it!
All it takes is three easy steps. First, go out on a date with me. But that's just to start. Step 2 is to enjoy the date. Good conversation, witty banter, smiles and laughter. I've got to want to ask you out again by the end of the date, or the whole process has been jeopardized more than a scallywag with just 6 inches of plank left to walk.
The final step is easiest of all for you - all ya gotta do is wait and reap the reward. Years of research, and days of field research, have shown me that 7 out of 10 times, by the time I call you to ask you out again, you'll have a boyfriend! Or close enough that it makes no difference - figures near 30% of women who have tried my system haven't had a boyfriend, but were now dating someone to the point they felt they should give it a chance and see how it went.
So, there you have it! Pretty painless, and very effective! Call today, and be the next woman to make a romantic relationship seemingly out of thin air!
(Legal: This offer is only good for a limited time. Should the author be found at any time to have a girlfriend, said offer will be put into a state of limbo until such time as he gets married - thus ending the offer for good - or until the aforementioned girlfriend decides to complete the offer for herself and start "seeing where it goes" with another man. At that time, the author will resume the helpful service this offer provides.)
You don't know anybody like me. Oh, you know guys, and you even know some that have similar interests and aptitudes, but trust me on this. Everyone who knows me well likes me, and like when I'm around. Actually, it still surprises ME a bit every time it comes up, because I've got no idea what they (the many people who have told me this) mean!
Greetings, ladies, and welcome to Sam! I’m chivalrous and romantic at heart, but also rather pragmatic. I’m happy to open your door, but won’t stop you from doing it yourself if you want to. People talk about equality all the time, and I take it to heart. Also, in my mind, cooking you dinner beats buying you dinner in just about every way. Unless I can't make what we want to eat, of course.
Sometimes I may be that guy who you catch looking at you, but who never says anything. It might seem creepy, but I’m probably just thinking of how to introduce myself without sounding like a total idiot. I’m probably also failing at it, otherwise I’d have said something by now.
And now, a word from my sponsors!
“Sam is the most generous person on this planet.” - Lisa (Friend - married)
“He knows how to just have fun & play around.” - Taunya (Return-missionary niece)
More from them later. Of my pictures, the one at Malibu is the most recent, followed by the pictures where I have a goatee. Obviously, shaving has taken place. The goatee was grown for my friend’s photo portfolio, anyway. I’ll help out whenever I can. I have developed skills with my hands, building and making things, and with my mind, also building and making things. If I could, I’d bike a lot more, to work and wherever I could, like I did when I was a teenager. My motorcycle will have to do for now, at least when the weather permits.
Once again, we turn to those who want to sell me off!
“You can always have an intelligent conversation when Sam’s around.” Aubreeeeeeeey eee (College-age niece. And she made me do that.)
“If a problem needs a creative fix or solution, he’s the guy you can go to, and he’ll figure it out.” - MaraLee (Big sis)
So, if you’ve read this far, and are still interested, here are a couple extra, somewhat random, things. I might ask you to do a pull-up. If you wanna earn awesome-points with me, be ready for that. Yes, I can do several. Touching your toes is weak sauce - I can palm the floor. My legs also reach behind my head. Only individually at present, but formerly together.
In my opinion, Megamind is better than Despicable Me. Palindromes fascinate me a bit. My current favorite is 2159512, but I can't really say why. I am an omnivore. Fruits and veggies are fantastic, but meat joins them more often than not. With movies and books, I prefer a good story, especially an unpredictable one, over any specific genre.
If Brandon Sanderson rings a bell to you, go ahead and jump to the front of the line. Best fantasy author I have found so far. Yes, he's better than Tolkien. No contest. (Don't worry, I like Tolkien, too.) Terry Pratchett also lets you cut. And if you read BattleTech books, I don't even have a classification for that. Basically, if you read fiction at all, you're gonna get the equivalent of "stars upon thars" treatment. Currently I'm reading Sherlock Holmes, and recently it was Bourne Identity, or Asimov books.
Exercising and going to the gym or going out hiking or playing sports, all are good and fantastic. I don't do them by myself (I get bored), but gladly go when others do. In fact, I'd love to find someone who wants to exercise together as a regular thing. I think it's a great relationship building activity.
I also try to be an observant person, in some ways at least. Any really good relationship I've either seen or been in has been one where both people are contacting each other. Guy asking the girl to do stuff, girl asking the guy to do stuff, and so on. If we go out for a while, but only because I keep asking you, and you never even do so much as to call/text/email/etc and do something like saying "Hey, why don't we do XYZ sometime..." or "I'm gonna do ABC in a few days - wanna join?" (simple examples), then what's going to happen is I will stop asking you out.
And now, a poem.
If you're sloppy, that's just fine.
If you're moody, I won't mind.
If you're fat, that's fine with me.
If you're skinny, let it be.
If you're bossy, that's all right.
if you're nasty, I won't fight.
If you're rough, well that's just you.
If you're mean, that's all right too.
Whatever you are is all okay.
I don't like you anyway.
- Shel Silverstein
Anything I say will be biased, but Shel's poem rings true. Except maybe for the not liking you part. I don't not like people I haven't met. Care to risk it?