I'm actually looking to date to find someone I can call my best friend and be hers in return. The woman I fall in love with gets all of my heart...and that forever. I love laughing, cuddling, know how to stick it out when things get tough, and my children are my life. I am widowed...and I want true love and the joy it brings again in our lives.
I waited two years before i went on my first date after she passed away. I've dated a ton since then, but wasn't ready to open my heart completely to someone new. Maybe I just haven't met the right person yet. I did struggle in my relationship with Heavenly Father a couple of years after her death, actually asking to be released from my calling during that time. I never left the church completely nor did my testimony of it's veracity ever waver. But I lost hope...felt very forgotten...and turned my back on Him for a season and made a lot of mistakes in the process. I want to make it clear that none of the mistakes I made led to any disciplinary action. While struggling I still considered my temple covenants of vital importance.The whole experience, though hard, has taught me a lot of really great things I could have never learned otherwise. I think we all have emotional and spiritual "meltdowns" at times and think that's perfectly alright and a normal part of this life. We're mortal. I don't expect anyone to be perfect. I'm certainly not. I have to add some new things to my profile. In the Summer of 2012, after holding out and waiting for who I thought was the right one, I married her in the temple. I actually met her on another singles site. After doing everything I could to keep our marriage and family together, she quit and decided she wasn't ready for marriage and that she had "fallen out" of love. I've never experienced anything like it in my life. It was heart-breakingly different from the kind of love that I had once known long ago. I'll be honest, the whole experience has left me a bit hesitant and much less trusting. I'm sure many of you have had similar experiences. It broke my heart. It did however, teach me more about what I want and deserve. If while you've been on your own, you have been a bit free with sharing intimacy with others, and especially if you haven't truly resolved those mistakes, or feel in anyway justified in it, I'm not the guy for you. With as hard as it has been for me to keep my covenants, I expect the one I am trying to find to be doing the same. If you can separate emotion and love from intimacy, I'm not the guy for you. I love with all of my heart. If you are prone to hold part of your heart back, it's not a level playing field, I'm not the one for you. I want someone's whole heart, like I give mine. Also, we all have testimonies of the Gospel and know of it's importance, but a testimony can be very surface level too. I want to find someone who's love runs deeply as does their testimony, especially when it comes to temple covenants and family. We all go through stages, and I am not in the "mess around, have a good time without commitment, hold back some of my heart so I don't have to get hurt stage. I am in the "love with all of my heart, never let you down, never want another, love your children completely, share my great family with you, work through trials together, never give up, make you smile and laugh, share real, love building intimacy stage. I hope that's not too harsh, but I am looking for my best friend and eternal companion, and no one else will do. I hate getting all serious like this, but along with my humor is a really big heart that will risk getting hurt for the right girl, but doesn't want to risk it on someone who doesn't know what they want. Also, I want to meet someone who is trying to earn me in their life like I am trying to earn her.
I am a big tease! i love seeing people laugh and love to be the one making them laugh! I really like it when someone can tease me back! I'm a big fan of pretty eyes and pretty smiles! I don't believe in being false or in giving false praise. If I give you a compliment... it's genuinely sincere! I like a woman who is secure enough with herself to let me hold the door for her...pay for the date...hold her when her heart is heavy...protect her when life gets hard. I'm also really big on the one I love being there for me too when I need a shoulder.
I think the ideal relationship starts as a friendship...turns into being best friends...and eventually becomes something everlasting. i believe whole hearted in "true love" and in "love stories". And i don't mean the kind where two "perfect people" fall in "perfect love" and live "perfectly happy" ever after. ; ) That's not how it works. It takes a lot of sweat and hard work and it's never perfect. I don't believe in settling when it comes to love and I believe it should be passionate! (IE...The Notebook...which is great movie by the way!) Not cookie-cutter-ish.
I love being a father, but, having done it for so long on my own, I feel no shame in saying that it's a miracle I'm not completely insane by now! ; ) I love my kids completely though. I love children! I wanted at least five. We got to two. I still want more children! I grew up with a step dad(He's my dad) and love him to death as he loves us! If I marry again she will get all of my heart as will her children if she has any!