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Honesty Causes Fewer Wrinkles

Have you noticed that though many of our relationships start out with such promise, something often happens, causing them to quickly go downhill? Perhaps you've seen friends wondering about someone they've spent time getting to know, only to find out that person was less than completely honest with them?

For the most part, we all start with the best intentions of meeting someone, pursuing a fun friendship that leads to a light romance that may someday culminate in the love of our life. But it doesn't always work that way, does it? Sometimes it doesn't even get as far as meeting in person. And what is the culprit? In many cases, honesty, or the lack thereof. Someone isn't quite telling the truth about who they are, what they are doing, or why they act the way they do.

In online dating, we need to be especially diligent in helping fight the dishonesty battle. That's because all an online acquaintance may know and understand about you for some time is whatever you decide to reveal to that person. We need to be carefully and gently honest. No one wants to get involved with a too zealously honest brute or brutesse. But most of us have a low tolerance for dishonesty. The dishonesty can range from our descriptions of who we really are, to how many potential partners are being pursued at the same time, to lies for no apparent reason.

Every person wants to put his or her best foot forward. But please, make sure it's the foot attached to your own leg! I heard one woman say a suitor told her that he "owned a textile business." In reality, he delivered paper towels. We all wish to be seen in the best light possible for as long as possible, but early in dating and throughout the relationship we should be getting to know each other as we really are.

When we're dishonest, whatever the reason may be, it narrows our path. We then have to remember the lie and try to conform to it. We are less "free" with our loved one than before telling the lie. The side effects of the lie are almost always fatal to the relationship, and, it's just wrong. The listener takes in the lie and very often recognizes it instantly for what it is. To avoid giving offense, they won't call their friend on the dishonesty. If they did, the relationship would end instantly, because who wants to date someone that has called them a liar? But left unaddressed, it's like a pebble in a pair of running shoes. The shoes should be ready for the long run, but knowing you've been lied to irritates and agitates.

For example, being dishonest to a person either directly or via our profile about our temple status and then being very comfortable doing things that are outside the temple covenants will quickly reveal the truth. It's not being judgmental that makes others walk away; it's their desire to be evenly yoked, with someone of similar habits and values.

Even if the lie isn't caught, the 'lied-to-loved-one' feels something shifting-the one we care about slowly slipping away, and we're left to wonder why? What happened? Relationship decay begins. The end is coming because a lie indicates a lack of respect, which will most likely be repeated. This is a fatal cycle, and it's killing relationships that begin with real potential.

And regarding our appearances, the "Glamour Shots" and the 7-year old pictures need to be updated. Don't we all want and deserve someone who accepts us as we are, so we can gracefully get on with the processes of life, feeling loved as years go by?

Like all people, LDS church members come in all flavors, shades, shapes and gradations. None is better than the other, but all are not compatible either. We should all accept each other, but simple math says we can't all marry each other. You may not want to hang out with someone "too churchy," but likewise, don't spike their ginger ale with full caffeine Diet Coke. It's not an agreeable mixture.

If you're stretching the truth, maybe it's time to ask yourself why you are doing this? Are you wasting your own and others' time and money dating when you're not emotionally ready?

And, hey, did you know honesty can actually be better for appearances too! Did you know it takes 300 different wrinkle-forming muscles to frown through a lie, while it only takes ten to smile and tell the truth? We might just find ourselves in healthier, happier relationships with a minimum of additional effort.

This article was submitted by a member of We welcome your thoughts, comments, and suggestions. Feel free to contact us at any time at

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